Warning: This is not a very upbeat post. However, I need to get some things off my chest, and it is my blog, and I can write whatever I want on it, right? Right.
I have to admit that the past couple of months have not been easy for me. My husband coming home and us traveling all over the place has been absolutely wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But it seems like my family back home isn’t doing the same. I can’t write about most of these things on such a public forum, but in a more general sense, it seems like every single time they get over something horrific happening, another traumatic event lurking around the corner jumps out at them, and the emotional and physical healing has to begin again. I have never felt more far away from home and helpless to aid my family in their times of need in the past 2 months than in the past 2 and 1/2 years that I have been in Germany.
Then, the events of the past 2 days have stung me to the core and reminded me what life is truly about. They also caused me to be truthful with myself. The truth is: I’m scared out of my mind of losing my husband. Trust me, the fact that I bolded this statement does not do it justice.
I try to forget about this most of the time to save my own sanity, but it is times like these when other men in the same career field (my husband’s career field is very small so we practically know everyone in it) give the ultimate sacrifice that it literally jolts me from my happy state of denial and catapults me back into reality.
I feel for the families and friends of these heros, and yes, they truly are heros. It is times like these when the community gathers around and supports each other. I’m thankful for such a supportive little community we belong to within this career field. You may have noticed one of my tweets dealing with this yesterday. My heart goes out to the 48th & 58th. I can’t even fathom what they must be going through right now. It is also times like these that you can’t help but think, “That could happen to us.”
Life does go on as it always has, however. All I can do is be there to support my husband when he needs me as he has always done for me.
As for my family, the same applies. I can only do what I can do if that makes any sense. I need to stop worrying about what I can’t do. I need stop waking up at night worrying about things that I can’t change. They need to do the same. I will be back in NM soon enough to help my sister with her husband who was recently injured. I will also be there to just listen to them. My family is strong, and I know they will come through this stronger than ever like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
This too, shall pass.
I hope you all understand why I haven’t written much lately. I haven’t really felt like it. I tried to get through my google reader yesterday, but soon lost motivation and decided to stare at my husband for a while and thank my lucky stars he is still in my life.