I had a completely different post about a Vegetarian Sports Nutrition book to post today, but I felt the need to post about the 4 minutes of sheer awkwardness that I experienced this morning instead especially since I have a really sick sense of humor.
So…here we go…
Background info: I teach spin in a secluded specialized training gym away from the main gym on base. This gym is very specific to 3 squadrons in which my husband is second in charge of one of them. He has maybe 200 people under him. I try to behave myself when I’m in this area of base because, well in military life, the spouse is expected to act a certain way. I won’t get into details or my opinions on this itself, but just know that if you are a spouse of a higher ranking individual, you aren’t supposed to act all wild and crazy in front of people that your husband is the boss of. This includes cussing which I may or may not have a problem with. I don’t really fit the mold of the average military spouse, and this sometimes gets me into trouble. I often say what I am thinking, and I constantly have a foot in my mouth.
Anyway, after I teach my class I usually head to the women’s locker room which no one usually goes into while I’m there except for a couple of girls that I teach in my class. I don’t like driving home wearing soaking wet gym clothes. So I normally change shorts, sports bras, and shirts before leaving.
I chatted with the two girls from my spin class as they undressed behind a partition before jumping into the shower. This is a REALLY small locker room since there aren’t too many women involved in what my husband does. Let me just preface this by saying that military gyms aren’t the same as regular gyms. People don’t walk around naked while they are getting ready like in civilian gyms. Would you want to be naked in front of YOUR BOSS?
I have no shame in normal nonmilitary gyms because:
a) I just moved from Germany, and there are naked people EVERYWHERE there.
b) I’m a pretty free spirit, and I like being naked (we are being honest here, right?).
c) I’m not ashamed of my body, well, most of the time (I’m a woman, and we all have our bloated days!).
However, in military gyms, especially when this particular gym is specific to only the people that my husband works with, I try to keep my clothes on in the locker room.
On this particular morning, I thought to myself as I was chatting with the two girls while they were in the shower:
I’m not going to change in the stall. I’m going to change where my bag is and there is a bench in the locker room. Nobody EVER walks in here. Famous last words, eh?
Completely naked except for my shoes, struggling to get my pants on with one leg halfway in, a woman enters the locker room staring directly at me. I smiled nervously, quietly cursing the fact that I was too lazy to take my freaking shoes off that kept getting stuck in my pants preventing me from pulling them up fast enough. I hopped over to the other side of the room because I thought that maybe I was in her way. There are two sinks with two small stalls in there, so I didn’t have to hop far.
I have one leg in my pants successfully when she says:
Do I know you? Are you new? I just got back from being deployed.
Here is a tip if you want to make friends in the locker room: PLEASE DO NOT TRY TALKING TO A NAKED PERSON. IT IS AWKWARD!!
Um no, I teach spin here. 7:30-8:30am. haha (way nervous laugh). Where do you work?
At this point, I’m mortified and STILL naked except for one leg. I’m trying so hard to put my pants on, that I don’t care whether they rip or not. They were the double lined ones so they are not that easy to get into.
Oh, I work at (my husband’s squadron). And she is still staring at me particularly my boobs. WTF?!!! Doesn’t she know locker room etiquette? You are not supposed to stare at the goods while having a conversation.
Lovely, she has seen my lady bits, and my husband is her boss AND I don’t even know her. Can you say AWKWARD?!
Anyway, I tried to end the conversation as politely as I could while attempting to finish putting some clothes on.
She left the locker room as soon as I dressed, and quite frankly, I don’t even know why she was in there since she didn’t do anything but stare and talk to me. I just started laughing to myself because I felt kind of violated, and I was in a locker room. People are supposed to be naked. This stuff happens to me ALL the time. It was my fault. I probably should have changed in the bathroom stall, and you can bet I will be in there from now on! haha
Do you have any awkward locker room stories?